you know the saying, "home is where your heart is." the meaning is so much deeper and dearer to me as of late. parker made a decision about a month ago, to try something new, as far as work goes. his friend was super excited about expanding his business, and opening up shop in utah (murray area). parker accepted the offer to move to utah to help him do so, and before i could take it all in, off he went. i stayed behind with the kids of course, so we could close doors, and the kids could finish school. it has been by far, the hardest thing i've had to do. in the beginning it was the "cold" that my hawaiian blood was trying to mentally prepare for...
...its day number 12, since my eternal companion has been gone, and i truly feel like part of my heart has been torn from my chest. never did i imagine, nor is there anything i could have done to prepare myself for "this." my days are long, my nights are longer. i miss him so much. there are times while i'm driving, and think, "what if i just kept driving till i arrived in utah...(i probably would attempt, if my sense of direction was better)." i try reminding myself daily that "it could be worse..." but in my world, and my life. i cannot fathom. i've heard, "if anyone can do it, it's you kanoe," so many times, i'm immune to it. i thank all of those who give me more credit than i deserve. my strength however, truly comes from my family, and when we are together i can conquer anything. i admit, i am always down for a good personal challenge. but trust me when i say sometimes i want to scream at the top of my lungs "MERCY!" 
at times like this my heart swells with gratitude to those who have been there for me to complain and cry to. thank you for listening and putting up with it. and for the amazing advice and reminders that i am constantly given. i don't know what i did to deserve such amazing people in my life. it wasn't until a couple nights ago, i was at an all time low, i stood at my sisters door bawling. when she wrapped her arms around me, they felt like those of my savior. it was just what i needed. it takes every ounce of strength i have inside me to not cry in front of my kids. sometimes i can't help it. i feel so thankful to those that have taken in my family, have opened their arms, their homes, fed us meals, made us truly feel like "it will be ok." (you know who you are). thank you for encouragement and laughter when i've wanted to throw my hands up. 
arizona, we've made so many memories here. as a small child, teenager, young adult, wife and mother...and i promise to visit you lots. however, arizona i have found a new meaning of "home is where my heart is," and that will always be wherever my family is complete. in a couple weeks, our family will reunite, in utah. and my heart will go with us, and we will call it home. no matter the length of time. and no matter the temperature!
my mom spoke in stake conference last week and asked me to write a poem to go with her topic, temples. my mom was so kind, when she said, "you write the best poems, please do this for me." how could i say "no." cus i wanted to badly, trust me. i did it, and it went perfectly with her talk. she (and i) love primary songs, so it is a collaberation of some of our favorite. i gave it to her minutes before conference started, so i was afraid at parts it wouldn't sound right. but for some reason when she read it, it sounded perfect and meant so much more to me. we couldn't make eye contact, but all i needed was to hear her voice. so i share (try not to sing it)...a family is forever
by: kanoe cummard
i love to see the temple, i'm going there someday.
to feel the holy spirit to listen and to pray.
i love to see the temple i'm going there someday.
lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way.
there's a right way to live and be happy, i must always chose the right.
teach me, teach me, to walk in the light.
i have a family here on earth, they are so good to me.
i want to share my life with them through all eternity.
i have a family here on earth, they are so good to me.
reverently, quietly, lovingly we think of thee.
i wonder when he comes again, will harold angels sing.
god our strength will be press forward ever, called to serve our king.
i love to see the temple, i'll go inside someday.
to covenant with my father, i'll to promise to obey.
i love to see the temple, i'll go inside someday.
i'm trying to be like jesus, i'm following in his ways.
i will go, i will do, the things the lord commands.
the spirit whispers this to me, and tells me that i can.
while i am in my early years, i'll prepare most carefully.
so i can marry in gods temple, for eternity.
while i am in my early years, i'll prepare most carefully.
father i will reverent be, and in thy house more quietly.
families can be together forever, through heavenly fathers plan.
i always want to be with my own family, and the lord has shown me how i can.
for a temple is a holy place, where we are sealed together.
as a child of god i've learned this truth, a family is forever.
